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Into the light

by Moral Straightjacket

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1.
BT shunt 04:06
Sleep again, knives and blades cut holes in my skin Pain again, just wide enough to put the new one in I wish you were there before, back when wounds were fresh Sleep again, knives and blades cut holes in my skin Dreams again, please stay with me longer than the last one did I wish you were there before, back when wounds were fresh Please don’t ever fade You remind me of times I could hold in the palm of my hand, But when you fade, I’ll hardly recall the songs we sung
2.
Lifeless on this metal table, I strain to move but I’m unable Bathed in a cool white light, Even through closed eyes, it seems so bright Open my eyes to stare at the sun Not the sun, but the face of someone Ribs bent back so my soul is exposed Shirt torn off so my scars are exposed Open my eyes to stare at the sun Not the sun, but the face of someone Deathless on these cool, linen sheets Your head on my chest to hear my heart beat Bathed in a cool, Spring breeze Even with your warmth, I feel I could freeze Open my eyes to stare at the sun Not the sun, but the face of someone Ribs bent back so my soul is exposed Shirt torn off so my scars are exposed Open my eyes to stare at the sun Not the sun, but the face of someone
3.
Words I said that I knew were mistakes A long trip that I didn’t want to take A flight I wasn’t able to make Worries always keeping me awake A book that I refused to read An assignment that I half-assed from the start Stray cats the neighbors started to feed: How I spent our time apart A beer that didn’t taste so great A whiskey that made my heart race Cold water splashed in my face A taste I can’t satiate A meal that never made me full A night where I was the fool How many times have I felt this way? You already knew what I’d say It’s just a feeling I get sometimes A feeling, sometimes Words I said that I knew were mistakes A long trip that I didn’t want to take A flight I wasn’t able to make Worries always keeping me awake A book that I refused to read An assignment that I half-assed from the start Stray cats the neighbors started to feed: How I spent our time apart
4.
Happiness 04:23
No longer problems of the heart if I turn my head To the white, fluorescent light of my mental institution I’m happy to be alive I don’t have a choice while I’m here I don’t have a voice, that’s what I hear No more nights of endless moaning Whether sad or sexualized, So I smile, confiding in my murky mirror I’m happy to be alive No more feeling like my mind’s a prison No more, no more, no more And I smirk; I gladly listen I’m alive I don’t have a choice while I’m here I don’t have a voice, that’s what I hear Human something now—humans being humans In good, bad, confusing, yet simple ways Connection: from endless love…to blunt mistakes Humans doing things to bring the humans To the eye or ear or nose or heart To the falling footsteps on loosened rocks In echo, and the silence following Human to human, something now Same tomorrow and yesterday We’ll see it’s all we ever wanted Humans being human, to bring the peoples’ Eyes or ears or procreative channels Together to watch, to feel, to taste, to blend To separate and start again Am I happy to be alive? I don’t have a choice Am I happy? I want to be happy and not too much of an asshole Right now, I’m about as relieved as a dog, guilty of pissing the rug I don’t have a choice, I just want to be happy
5.
Just being there is not enough Unless of course, you’re into that stuff Are you there? Lie to me; tell me you’re there She listened to each word and made answer delightfully And do we make love delightfully? Tighten the straps, bleeding backs Two backs! Tighten the straps, tighter Bleeding backs, is that what you like? Lie to me and tell me you’re there Make me believe I want to believe that there’s more to this In all of this, more to this Lie to my face; I’ll lie to your back Two backs! Just lie to me if you’re into that OK, whip me anywhere you like I’ll be your open book Is that what you like? Do you like books with pictures or words? Read my eyes and picture this story: I dreamt that I went to the bowels of this earth And at its heart, there was an apartment complex With dark corridors And a darker staircase I stepped out and entered a room Full of debauchery Lie to me and tell me you’re there Are you there? We’re all here We’re all here But I prefer the light on Shut the door Turn the light on Turn the light on I want to see you And I want to see me And I want to see us Because we’re all here Turn the light on!

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credits

released January 4, 2016

As a testament and revelation to poor life choices, their respective consequences, and the eventual acceptance of those subsequent fates, Into the light was recorded, mixed, mastered by Eric Mileham at Noise Pollution Studios, Anaheim, CA between May and July 2014.

Special thanks to: heart conditions, honesty, deception, love (in all its phases), and the works of Jerzy Kosiński, David Cronenberg and Jacob Landau.

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ruined smile records Brisbane, Australia

DIY label based in Brisbane, Australia via London, UK.

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